Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
