You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
