Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
