Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
