Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
