just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
