While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
