I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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