Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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