The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
