Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
