That's when you crack a 10am beer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize