I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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