Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
