Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
