This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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