I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
