Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
