Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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