It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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