It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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