smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize