Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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