I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
