I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
