I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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