I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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