Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
