My room smells like vodka and shame
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need moral support for this bender
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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