it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
