woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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