1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
