I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
