As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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