I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize