There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
