Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
