I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
