Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
