yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
