i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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