i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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