So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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