i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
