i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
