wakey wakey hands off snakey
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
