Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
