Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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