we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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