I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
