the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
