We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
