It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
