Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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