Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
