Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
