got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
