Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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