what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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