omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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