U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
