you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
