these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
