is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
